09 Maret 2016

Wedding and Marriage

I am looking back to this post when I was eating roti bakar cokelat keju in Bara at around 10 pm with them. The post was really sentimental actually because one of my friend was turning 20, and those conversation about thesis and work after university with some of my seniors. The idea of quarter life is already scare me since 3 years ago wow great. I am also surfing into this post, back when I attended my seniors' graduation event and suddenly these people (Kak Nana and Kak Toni) were getting married!

Back in 2011, I saw Kak Toni as a childish guy and Kak Nana as a really mature girl. But I never imagine them standing together in the altar. When I hear the news, I was beyond happy for them! Although I felt sorry for Kak Nana's biggest admirer for years, Masjaw ahaha. Still can't believe that they are just one year older than me and already brave enough to step on their own way.

cute invitation they made by themselves

yay for finally reunited in almost full team

puk puk Masjaw

Back in university, I used to take Pengantar Ekonomi Keluarga, Gender dan Keluarga and Manajemen Keuangan Konsumen. Yes, those three subjects was not from my major department. It is from Ilmu Keluarga dan Konsumen (weird major I know lol but it helps us see from another perspective). For me personally right now, marriage is a really big deal life commitment. It is not a fairy tale. You need to discuss wether you want the same thing or not.

Such as...

Is it okay if one of them (wife/ husband) will be working outside the house in a not so friendly time like shift work, long business trip, etc? Is it okay if the main breadwinner focused on his/her career and just have a little time for the family?

Do you both agree to have a me-time? Is one of you be able to spend his/her time alone, watching concert with friends or maybe go on a solo travelling for few days?

Will the husband help the wife do the domestic work such as washing the dishes and clothes, or maybe cooking for breakfast? Will the husband make his own coffee if he wants it? (My Dad washes our family clothes, he makes his own coffee and he doesn't mind to do others domestic work on a daily basis, so I am bit shocked when I know not all Dad did the same thing.)

Who is responsible for what, like who will pay these bills, who will pay for another bills. How will you manage your financial in a marriage?  

Will you let your spouse's parents to live in the same house with you? Will you be okay if your spouse support his family financially in a long term, like paying for his brother or sister's tuition fee which is really cost a lot of money? You may say it is ok right now, but don't you dare to talk behind his back to your friends later.

Do you both need an insurance? Do you both agree to do an investment, if yes, in what instrument(s)? Do you already aware that you need to prepare a saving to buy a house, maternity, children's education, etc.

And the scariest one is... is it okay if you can't have kids?

My biggest worry is if I get a husband who force me to have our own biological kid(s). I mean, yes I do want kids and would try anything to make it happen later on, but I don't think it is a mandatory in marriage. If so, he'll just leave me after years of marriage of not having any biological baby yet. I am not gonna marry a man who value myself as a baby machine. Worst nightmare ever.

Lily: What if I can’t have a baby? That… could happen. I could totally let you down. Has that thought not occurred to you?
 Not even for one second. Not having a baby would suck… but the idea of you letting me down? That’s impossible.
How I Met Your Mother - Season 6, Episode 1 - “Bad Days”